Emergency contacts

Andrew Hicks

Tiffany took a week of vacation days, so we’re trying our best to achieve a harmonious balance of kid-watching, getting stuff done around the house, adult alone time and overall fun. This arrangement had the benefit today of allowing me to leave Silas at home and take Sarah out for an errand run and our first trip to a McDonald’s PlayPlace.

Sarah loved the indoor playground. I think her little mind was blown when she realized there was such a thing as a playground under a roof. She’s still little enough that she can’t or won’t climb all the way to the top in attempts to elude dad when it’s time to go, so we’re in a nice stasis. Kid can exercise, and dad can eat his 50-piece McNugget and sip Diet Coke in peace.

We had to stop at J.C. Penney to pick up an emergency pair of contact lenses for Tiffany. Sarah, who still won’t eat chicken for me, chewed up and swallowed Tiffany’s last pair of contacts yesterday. In the store, Sarah kept saying, “Oooh, pretty,” as we walked past the jewelry counter and a bunch of enormous, ugly purses.

Sarah’s Grandma Ginny, Tiffany’s mom, has been waiting more than two decades of her grandparent life to have a little girl to spoil, so by the time Sarah reaches kindergarten, she very well may have some jewelry and a huge handbag of her very own. She already loves shoes, which scares the crap out of her dad.

For now, we can walk past the merchandise with a lot of pointing and commenting but no actual stopping. Sarah was slightly impatient in the optical department, though, as there was a delay with the lady at the counter when I gave her Tiffany’s married name, yielding no results, and then had her look under her pre-Hicks last name.

My wife’s name finally popped up in their computers, but there was no record of her having called and ordered emergency contacts two hours prior. We got the whole thing straightened out, and there was no charge for the contacts. When I arrived home, I learned that Tiffany hadn’t called J.C. Penney at all — she’d called the new eye doctor and optical store we’ve been going to. I should’ve known that. That explains why we had the delay we had.

Some may be glad I explained all this, while some would’ve preferred the shorter, simpler explanation: I’m a bloody dolt who got his wife some free contact lenses.

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FAMILY PICTURE OF THE DAY

The blue elephant shirt is Sarah's current favorite.