EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the post Andrew would have written today if he didn’t find himself unexpectedly falling asleep at 8:30 pm.
I don’t usually answer calls from unfamiliar numbers, particularly ones from area codes that weren’t specifically mentioned in the 2001 Ludacris song of the same name*. But the other day, I picked up, and it was a salesman asking me a bunch of questions about Silas, my 6 month old. He kept calling him “Sillis,” which rhymes with Phyllis** and Willis***.
I found the guy’s simple mistake too funny to correct, particularly since he wanted to sell me infant life insurance and had these hypothetical scenarios of how tragic and costly it would be if anything were to happen to poor Sillis. It reminded me of the time Tiffany and I rented a car for a weekend trip, and the salesman thought Tiffany’s first husband’s last name was her first name. He even sent a thank-you postcard to “Andrew and Branson Hicks,” calculated thoughtfulness negated by glaring error.
Anyway, I think the Sillis thing is pretty funny. I call my little guy “Sillis” more than I call him “Silas,” and Whitney Houston’s mostly forgotten single “My Name Is Not Susan” now has a new home inside my head, only I’m picturing an infant who can’t talk insisting via 1990-era R+B joint that his name isn’t Sillis.
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*For reference, those area codes — listed chronologically — are 404, 718, 202, 901, 305, 312, 313, 215, 803, 757, 410, 504, 972, 713, 314, 201, 916, 415, 704, 206, 808, 216, 702, 414, 317, 214, 281, 334, 205, 318, 601, 203, 804, 402, 301, 904, 407, 850, 708 and 502. Feel left out? Well, I heard all these area codes got herpes from Ludacris.
**Now I want to Photoshop Silas’s head onto the cover of the classic “alternative lifestyles” memoir A Boy Named Phyllis and replace “Phyllis” with “Sillis.” Altering copywritten art to something similar that rhymes is how we joke around in the 21st century.
***Fellow Springfield open mic comic Buddah Eskew now wants to work the catchphrase “What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Sillis?!” into everyday conversation, but I think I’m the only person who would be guaranteed to laugh every time.
Dad's Daytime Diary 